


Drawing the Moose

by KaitlynSpeight, SammySammyDean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Artist Gabriel, Baker Sam, Bittersweet Ending, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-05-25 04:03:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6179425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaitlynSpeight/pseuds/KaitlynSpeight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammySammyDean/pseuds/SammySammyDean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel is an artist, Sam is a baker, and I am painfully unoriginal.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Gabriel you’ve been locked up in here for nearly a month. Go take a shower, eat something, go out.” Gabriel glanced at his brother, before immediately going back to the painting he was working on. “Do you know how much I’m getting paid for this thing? It needs to be  _ perfect _ ” Castiel rolled his eyes, “Gabriel. You smell. Go shower, we’re going for lunch, you can finish in an hour or two.” Gabriel shook his head, “I’m almost  _ done.  _ Maybe one more week, then you can drag me out.” 

 

Cas weighed his options briefly, before sighing, grabbing Gabriel by the hair. “Owowowowowow, what the  _ fuck _ ” Gabe hissed, following after Cas unwillingly. “Shower, now,” he unceremoniously shoved Gabriel into the bathroom before walking back to the studio to clean up after his brother. Gabriel could be such a slob when he got working on something. 

 

By the time Gabriel reappeared, Cas had a garbage bag full of food wrappers and coffee cups and other various garbage, and all the paints were sealed and put away, out of Gabriel’s reach. “I will get them down after you come out for me, we can go to Heaven’s Bites. I’ll pay.” Gabriel perked up, “alright, fine, but only because they have the  _ best  _ cupcakes.” 

 

Cas rolled his eyes, but nodded, leading the way out of the apartment. “It smells like a sweatshop in there Gabe, this isn’t healthy.” Gabe shrugged, following Castiel down the street, images of his painting flitting through his mind. The archangels Michael and Lucifer caught in battle, wings clashing, he just needed to finish the massive white wings of Michael, tangled in the black smoke of Lucifer’s. So close. And the commissioner was being more than generous in their payment. 

 

“Gabriel!” Gabe snapped to attention, huh, when had they gotten to the bakery? Castiel glared, before turning back to the worker at the counter, “I guess we’ll have two camomile teas, and a devil’s food cupcake.” Gabriel scoffed, “I don’t want any of your leaf water, can I get a cof-” “no, you may not.” The worker gave them a confused look, “so what will it be?” Castiel shot Gabe a withering look, and he wisely kept quiet. 

 

“The two teas, please.” The young man nodded and typed in the order, Castiel payed him and they waited for their drinks, Gabriel happily munching his cupcake. He had suffered for this, damnit! “Two camomile teas?” Someone called and Castiel turned to grab them while Gabriel licked chocolate from his finger absentmindedly. “Gabe,” Cas called and he turned. “Holy moose,” he whispered, catching sight of the tall man vanishing back into the kitchen. “Gabriel! You can carry your own drink.”

 

Gabriel groaned, “I didn’t even want the bloody lea-” Castiel glared and Gabriel’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click, and he willingly took the mug from Cas’ hand. Castiel lifted and eyebrow and Gabriel sank into the nearest booth, one where he could clearly see the front counter. “Seriously, did you see that moose?” Castiel chuckled, sipping at his tea. “Yes, I saw him, although I wouldn’t call him a moose.” Gabriel shrugged, heaping sugar into his cup and mixing it in. 

 

“He was gigantic. Wonder if he’s proportional.” Castiel choked on his drink, “ _ Gabriel _ ” he just shrugged, “what, he’s fucking gorgeous, you tellin’ me you wouldn’t hit that?” Castiel looked up at the ceiling, as if praying for strength, “I would not, you know very well I don’t do casual sex, and he isn’t my type.” Gabe smirked, “maybe you should do casual, get that stick out of your ass.” Cas glared, before taking another sip at his tea. At least Gabriel was out of his apartment, that was a start. 

 

Gabriel watched the moose man walk in and out of the kitchen, carrying out tray after tray of sweets and pastries. For the first time since he started it, the painting wasn’t on his mind, instead he had the overwhelming urge to draw this gorgeous moose of a man. He fished around in his pocket, finding a charcoal pencil and crowing in victory. 

 

“Really, Gabriel?” Cas complained, sipping at his tea and Gabe dove into his work, sketching out an outline for a face on an extra napkin.  “Hey, I’m out of my apartment, aren’t I?” Gabriel quipped, adding markings for where he wanted the eyes and mouth, “and he’s hot.” He added, outlining a pupil. 

 

After an hour or so, Castiel finally concedes and let’s Gabriel run off back to his apartment to get back to his painting. It’s only after Gabriel locks himself back in his studio that he realized he forgot the napkin he had been sketching on. There was really no point in going back, someone had likely thrown it away, and it wasn’t like it mattered, he had spent enough time staring at the moose, he didn’t need the reference. 

  
He settled in front of a new canvas, content to extend his break from Michael and work on trying to capture those impossibly hazel eyes and perfect hair instead.


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel doesn’t go back to Heaven’s Bites for nearly a week, but when he finally finished the damn wings and gave the painting to the buyer (who had been more than happy with it, and paid him that day) he decided he deserved to treat himself. This time he got himself ready without the prompting, and headed out, making the short walk to the bakery, unable to hold back the groan at the smell of fresh baked pie as he got close. 

  
  


When he walks in, though, he freezes in place. tacked to the menu display was a very familiar napkin,  _ they actually kept it? _ He looked closer and saw the note under the doodle, `this is absolutely amazing, thank you so much -Sam`. He chuckles to himself, well, he’s glad he could make Sam - whoever that was - happy.

 

He wanders up to the counter, nearly jumping out of his skin at the excited voice that greets him when he gets there. “Hey! You were here last week! Same thing? Tea and a cupcake, right?” Gabriel blushes, “actually, can I get a cafe mocha? My brother was the one to cut me off from caffeine last week, but absolutely with the cupcake.” The moose chuckles, “chocolate fan, huh? Coming right up!” Gabriel blushes, accepting the sweet that’s handed to him over the counter, wondering why the hell this moose remembers someone like him. 

 

A minute later he comes back and hands Gabriel his coffee, “six thirty-two please,” Gabriel nods and swipes his card, finally noticing the name-tag on the moose’s apron. Sam W. “Hey, were you the one that liked my doodle?” Gabriel asks, taking a sip of his coffee. Sam freezes, staring at Gabriel, and Gabe blushes, picking at the paper on his cupcake. “Uh, did I do something?” 

 

Sam shakes his head, and it might be Gabriel’s imagination, but he could swear the man was  _ blushing.  _ “That’s a  _ doodle? _ What the hell, man, that picture is amazing! It actually makes me look good! That takes talent!” Gabriel laughs, taking another sip of coffee, “actually it just takes a camera, but I’m glad you like it,” he turns to make his way to a table, setting his coffee down and munching on his cupcake. 

 

Sam, so that’s the moose’s name. It fits him. 

 

“Uh, excuse me, sir?” Gabriel looks up,(and up and up) and finds Sam standing at his table, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. “Gabriel, they call me Gabriel,” Gabe smiles, and Sam takes a breath, “Gabriel, I was uh… I was wondering if you’d like to design our menu. I’d pay you, obviously, but we need a change and your art is… well it’s  _ amazing.  _ I don’t know if you-” Gabriel cut him off, putting the poor man out of his misery, “yeah sure, here.” He pulls a sharpie out of his pocket and grabs Sam’s hand, jotting down his number. 

 

“Call me when you get off and we’ll talk business. Or pleasure, whatever floats your boat.” He winks and again, he could  _ swear  _ Sam was blushing. “Yeah, uh, sure, I’ll call you.” He scampers back to the kitchens, and Gabe chuckles to himself, finishing his cupcake and heading out, sipping his coffee as he goes. 

 

Gorgeous, awkward, and dimples? If he gets any better, Gabriel might have to marry him. Gabriel groans internally, chiding himself. He had only just met the man, he couldn’t be thinking about jumping his bones yet, truthfully he shouldn’t think about it at all, Sam was too nice, he couldn’t do that to him.

  
Couldn’t really do it to anyone.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam can’t focus, the numbers on his hand are practically screaming at him to call the golden eyed man. After one too many wrong measurements, spilled bowl of batter, and dropped bag of flour, he gives up. Perks of owning your own business, you can close up early if you need to. “Hey, Anna, I don’t feel good, just sell what we have, close up when we run out alright?” Anna nods, smiling knowingly at him. “Have fun with mystery man, boss, cya tomorrow!” 

 

Sam blushes, “yeah, uh, thanks, see you.” He runs out the door, shucking his apron and stuffing it in his car before pulling out his phone and dialing Gabriel, breath hitching when the man picks up. “Heya, you’ve got Gabriel Novak on the line, you lucky bastard, what can I do for you?” Sam is suddenly unsure what to say, and he bites his lip nervously, forgetting to respond. “Uh, hello? Buddy? Anyone there?” 

 

“Yeah, sorry, hi. It’s uh, Sam.” Gabriel chuckles, and Sam feels his stomach doing all kinds of weird things at the sound. He would have to look at that more closer later. Much, much later. “Hey, Sam! If I’d known you’d get out this early I would have just hung around, so…” Sam closes his eyes, right, not friends, can’t just call for the hell of it. “I was wondering when you were free, so we can talk menus?” 

 

“Well, I just finished my last commission, so I really don’t have much going on. Just don’t expect me to get up early and we’re good.” Sam smiled, fiddling nervously with his keys. “Want to come to my place tonight, then? I can order some take out and we can make a night of it?” He asks before he can realize what a  _ horrible  _ idea that is. 

  
Well. He’s a moron. A pathetic moron. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright posting this in the format I have been is not working for me  
> \--------  
> will signal a change in POV from now on
> 
> (For the record: I'm Gabriel, Kaityn is Sam, that's why the writing style is a little different)  
> ~Samm

“Tonight?” Gabriel froze, hand halfway to the door of his fridge. 

Was… Sam couldn’t be hitting on him… Could he? 

No, no, he had to just be being friendly. But tonight? At Sam’s place? He gnawed on his lip for a moment before steeling his nerves. “Yeah, I can do that, what time? And you’ll have to text me the address.” 

He could hear Sam’s chuckle on the other line, oh fuck, he was going to die tonight. He couldn’t be alone with this moose of a man, he just wouldn’t survive. 

“Well, I need to shower, and pick up a little, so any time after six?” Gabriel glanced at the clock, that gave him less than two hours. Well. Fuck it.

“Yeah I can do that, I’ll see you in a couple hours.” Sam hums an affirmative, and Gabriel hangs up, plugging his phone in to charge. 

Panic mode: activate. 

\-------

By the time Sam gets home, he’s worked himself into an absolute panic. What the hell had he been thinking? This wasn’t something people did for a business meeting, this was something that friends did, this was way too familiar. He had been far too presumptuous, Gabriel must think he’s batshit insane.

He curses himself, unlocking his door and looking around his messy apartment, well, it was too late to cancel now, he might as well make his his place look as professional as he can before he’s scheduled to have a gorgeous and talented man alone with him in his cruddy apartment. Fuck. 

\-------

Gabriel checks the address for the upteenth time. This was crazy. He was crazy.

He glared at the door knob like it might jump off and bite him, too afraid to knock. What if he had the wrong apartment. 

What if he had the right apartment and Sam changed his mind?

He shivers, looking down at his outfit: jeans and a button down. Was it too comfortable? Should he have dressed up?

He finally works up the nerve to pull his phone out of his pocket, dialing Sam’s number.

“Hey! You almost here?” He could hear Sam’s voice from the other side of the door and blushed.

He was being stupid.

“Uh, actually I’m here, I just wanted to make sure I had the right place.”

He could hear Sam laughing quietly, great, he had already made a fool of himself.

“Oh, alright! I’ll be right there!” 

A moment later the door swung open, revealing Sam standing on the other side, phone still pressed to his ear.

\-------

“Hey.” Sam bit his lip, slowly hanging up the phone and sliding it into his pocket. Gabriel smiled shyly up at him, “uh, hey.” Sam blinked, stepping back from the door. When did the air turn to molasses? Why was it suddenly so difficult to move? Had Gabriel been this attractive earlier? Wait...What?

Gabriel blushed, hanging up his own phone and catching it on the seam of his jeans a few times before managing to stuff it into his pocket, eyes never leaving Sam. “So…” Sam jumped, “sorry, come in!” He ushered the smaller man inside nervously “so, Thai is on it’s way. Hopefully I got something you’ll like. There’s beer in the fridge, feel free to help yourself.” Too presumptuous, Winchester, what are you doing?

\--------

Gabriel nods, immediately taking Sam up on the offer, walking into the kitchen and grabbing them both a beer, opening them and handing one to Sam. 

“Thanks, so, menus…” 

Gabriel was nervous. 

More nervous than he should be.

This is business, nothing more, Sam is just being friendly.

They would talk about the design, eat dinner, and he would be on his merry way. Nothing more.

But still.

The look on Sam’s face…

He shook his head, taking a long pull of his beer, that was more than enough of those thoughts, thank you very much. 

He just needed to survive this dinner, then he could go home and draw, he wouldn’t have to see Sam again after this. Everything else could be done over the phone or through the mail.

He watched Sam take a pull on his own beer, only belatedly noticing that his full attention was on how Sam’s lips looked stretched around the neck of the bottle.

Oh he was screwed. 

Utterly, and completely screwed.

\---------

Sam knew he had fucked up the second Gabriel stepped inside. The man was beautiful, and his voice alone was doing all kinds of things that he was absolutely not going to think about until later. Much later. When he was very much alone. 

He debated breaking out something harder than the beers, but thought better of it. He didn't trust himself to be drunk around this man, he was probably to make a big enough fool of himself sober. 

He sighed and drained his beer in one long pull, running a hand through his hair when he finished, this was gonna be a looong night.


	5. Chapter 5

Gabriel has no idea what to do with himself. He doesn’t know Sam, doesn’t know what’s expected of him. All he knows is that he’s supposed to be designing menus, what does that even constitute? Should he stay in the kitchen, or should he go sit on the couch, or maybe somewhere else? Where would Sam be the most comfortable?

 

Where would it be the most convenient to draw? At least Sam seems to be in the same boat as him, cause the other man is shifting awkwardly switching his beer from hand to hand and staring intently at anything but Gabriel. 

 

After a moment Sam finally leads the way to the couch, flopping down awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I know you’d usually probably meet at an office or something but my office is a broom closet and this just seemed like the better option but it’s… It really wasn’t.” Sam chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. 

 

Gabriel is gonna say something, he is, but just then there’s a knock at the door and Sam is walking away. He sighs, settling back into the couch, Jesus this was horrible, Sam was nice enough to invite him to his home and buy him food and all he was offering was a painfully awkward atmosphere. 

 

What was worse was that Sam was obviously just as uncomfortable, in his own home for christ’s sake.

 

And what was even worse was Sam walked back with an arm full of Thai food. “I, uh, got a lot of stuff, hopefully there’s something you like.” Sam mumbles awkwardly, seeing the bags down on the coffee table. “Want plates or just wanna eat out of the cartons?” 

 

Gabriel blushes, “uh, cartons are fine, and uh… I’m sure I’ll find something. I’ve never actually… had Thai.” He nervously shifts through the pile of food, snagging a carton of...something that smelled really good. 

 

“I’m so sorry, I never… I should have asked, I…” Sam stammers, his mouth clicking shut when Gabriel takes a bite of whatever he grabbed and  _ moans _ . Sam blushes, grabbing a tin of pad thai and stuffing some in his mouth before he can say something stupid.

 

“I’m sorry, sorry, this is  _ amazing,” _ Gabriel moans happily and Sam nods, “‘s okay. Really.” He mumbles, shifting awkwardly in his seat. This was just cruel, there’s a gorgeous, talented, funny man moaning on his couch and he can’t do shit. 

 

Gabriel blushes, setting down his food.down, he doesn’t even know Sam and he’s sitting here groaning on his couch over food. God is he pathetic. He shifts in his seat, chewing on his lip and pulling his sketch pad out of his pocket, nervously drawing a pair of eyes. 

 

Sam shifts nervously, watching Gabriel sketch shyly, trying to figure out why the hell Gabriel isn’t eating. He sighs, putting his food down too and leaning forward in his seat, deciding to move on with work before he makes an even  _ bigger  _ fool of himself. 


	6. Chapter 6

Gabriel slowly turns to face Sam, flipping his sketchbook to a new page. “So, what did you have in mind?” He asks curtly, and Sam freezes. He is utter shit. Gabriel doesn’t want to be here, why the hell would he, this is one of the most awkward dinners in the history of  _ ever _ . Gabriel probably hates him for keeping him here against his will, and that is by far the last thing he wants.

 

He tries to rush things along, do as little damage as he could, maybe they could still walk out of this as friends. It didn’t seem too far fetched, Gabriel was friendly enough…. Probably… 

 

He just needs to tell Gabriel what he wants, and they can both move on.

 

~~~~

 

Gabriel does his best to sketch what Sam was describing, focusing on his paper and rapidly scribbling as Sam talked. It was a simple enough design, swirly letters unfurling into line art wings, nothing he couldn’t do. 

 

He finished shortly after Sam finished describing it, brushing his hair out of his face and turning the sketch to Sam. But when he looks up, Sam isn’t looking at the paper. He’s looking at  _ him _ . And he’s  _ laughing _ . Why is he laughing? He frantically wipes at his face, but Sam only laughs harder. 

 

Then there’s a hand on his face, and when the hell did it get so hot in here? And where did the air go?

 

~~~~~

 

Sam watches Gabriel’s face as he draws, tongue peeking out between his teeth, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and he can’t handle how damn cute this man is. It’s just utterly unfair. 

 

Then,  _ then,  _ he finished drawing and manages to smear a stripe of charcoal across his forehead, and Sam can’t help but laugh, and of course Gabe freaks out, smearing his face with more charcoal. Seriously the man is too cute.  

 

Before he can think better of it he’s cupping Gabriel’s face in his hand and wiping the marks off. “You’ve uh… got a little…” He murmured, panicking as he realized what he was doing, but he couldn’t quite get his arms to obey him, then the rest of his body decides to ignore his brain too and he’s leaning closer to the near stranger next to him. 

 

But Gabriel is leaning in too, and suddenly all the reasons this absolutely  _ shouldn’t  _ happen no longer matter. All that matters is the warm breath on his lips, the calloused hand coming up to hold his. 

 

And then there’s a pair of soft lips pressed against his, gentle at first, then without warning there’s a Gabriel in his lap, deepening the kiss and pressing him back into the cushions. 

 

~~~~~

 

Gabriel isn’t sure exactly what happened one second he’s doodling angel wings, then Sam’s cradling his face like he’s something to be cherished and leaning in for a kiss and… Oh  _ God _ he’s only human. Who could resist those huge puppy eyes, and his lips… No, he can’t help it, he needs to taste. 

 

Then he’s being kissed within an inch of his life, and somehow he winds up in Sam’s lap but… No, Sam doesn’t know him, he can’t do this to the kid. 

 

It takes every ounce of self control he possesses, but he manages to pull back, casting one more look at Sam’s perfect face, lips spitslick and swollen, and he nearly collapses back against him, god he  _ wants… _

 

But he can’t. 

 

He forces himself up, grabbing his sketchbook off the table and taking a deep breath. “I’ll call you when I have this finished,” he muttered, his voice cracking pathetically, and walked out the door, his lips still tingling. 

 

God this fucking  _ sucked.  _


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things have changed, tags have been updated, read at your own risk   
> seriously. This is going to rip my heart out to write. You might wanna quit now.

It’s days until Sam hears from Gabriel again, and when he does.... Gabriel looked like shit. 

 

“Hey, you okay man?” He asked, blowing off the tray of cupcakes he had been aranging and walking out from behind the counter. 

 

“I- Yeah, I’m fine. I have a sketch for you,” Gabriel mumbled, shoving the piece of paper into Sam’s hand and making a b-line for the door. 

 

“Gabe! Hey, wait,” Sam called, setting the sketch on the counter and chasing after him, “a-about the other night. I don’t- I’m really sorry.”

 

Gabriel looked up at him, face scrunching up in confusion, “you’re- why are you sorry?” 

 

“I was out of line, I shouldn’t have invited you to my house for business and I definitely shouldn’t have… have kissed you.”

 

“You kissed  _ me _ ?” Gabriel asked, dumbfounded. “Sam I- I was the one that kissed you. And I shouldn’t have, it won’t happen again.”

 

Sam perked up slightly, looking around quickly before drragging Gabriel into the back. “If I think I tried to kiss you and you think y-”

 

“No, Sam this can’t… I can’t. No.” Gabriel sighed, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter who kissed who or… anything else. I really wish it did…”

 

“It does though! Look, I like you, you’re absolutely stunning and talented and… I would love to get to know you more, can I maybe take you out to dinner? Not on business this time.”

 

Gabriel opened and closed his mouth a handful of times, finally sighing and shaking his head. “Sam I… I really can’t. I would love to-”

 

“Then say yes!”

 

“You don’t understand Sam, I  _ can’t,  _ I would love to, but I can’t. If you’re ever looking for a hook up you’ve got my numb-”

 

“So I’m good enough to make out with an- and fuck but I can’t take you to dinner?” Sam growled, crowding into Gabriel’s space. 

 

Gabe shrunk in on himself, his lips trembling, “Sam you don’t- It’s not you I- please…” 

 

“Get out of my shop. Forget about everything, I’ll mail you your commission for the work you’ve done so far.”

 

“Sam please just-”

 

“Get. Out.”

 

Gabriel nodded, turning on his heal, this was what he wanted after all. “I really am sorry, Sam,” he whispered, hurrying out of the shop, waiting until he wass out of sight to let the tears fall. 

  
  


~~~~

  
  


Sam watched him go, the anger dissipating from his body as soon as he saw how utterly defeated Gabriel looked, but it was his own damn fault. 

 

He had admitted to liking him, wanting to be with him, and Gabriel had rejected him and propositioned him in the same damn sentence, who  _ did  _ that?

 

At least, that’s what it seemed like for a few hours. Until a dark haired man showed up demanding to see him. 

 

“Can I help-”

 

“You’re a bastard.” The man cut him off, glaring daggers up at him.

 

“Excuse me? And who are you?”

 

“Castiel Novak. The brother of-”

 

“Gabriel, yeah, I get it. And how am  _ I  _ the bastard here?”

 

“I- You-” Castiel hesitated, some of his bravodo melting away. “I can’t tell you,” he muttered finally. 

 

“Right, because your brother’s the asshole here a-”

 

“No. My brother’s an idiot, but- I- it’s his cross to bare. I have no right to tell you.”

 

“Then why are you here?”

 

“Beause- because he’s sobbing alone in his appartment! He locked me out and I couldn’t just stand by and- call him. This is your fault so you fix it.”

 

“I don’t owe him shit.”

 

Cas sighed, the last traces of his anger fading. “You care about him, don’t you? He’s a moron, but he has his reasons for acting how he does. Please just… Call him.” 

 

With that, Cas turned and walked out of the store, and Sam was left questioning pretty much everything he knew up until this point.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You were warned~~~

“Sam?”

 

“Hey Gabe... Uh,” Sam bit his lip, shifting uncomfortably. He was curious - he definitely wanted to talk to Gabriel, but not over the phone, and the only way he could think of to see him… “About that hook up?”

 

“Look Sam I’m not interested if you’re not. It’s not-”

 

“I just! I want to see you. I don’t care where it leads just… I want to see you.” 

 

Gabriel sighed into the phone, sinking down on his couch, “I can’t date you, Sam.”

 

Sam scowled at his phone, he debated hanging up right there but.. He couldn’t, “you made that abundantly clear. As friends, or fuck buddies, whatever it’ll take to get you to fucking talk to me.”

 

Gabriel sighed again, slowly nodding though he was well aware Sam couldn’t see him. “Fine, friends, want me to come over or..?”

 

“You can come over.”

 

“Now?” 

 

“If you can, sure.” 

 

Gabriel sighed, “and I’m assuming I’m not allowed to leave until I explain why I was such an ass the other day.”

 

“That would be a safe assumption.”

 

Gabriel grabbed his bag dragging his feet to the door, “you won’t like the answer. You’d rather just think of me as an insufferable asshole and move on.”

 

“I’d like to decide that for myself.”

 

“I’ll see you in a little while Sam,” he mumbled, hanging up and stuffing his phone in his pocket. 

 

~~~

 

By the time he got to Sam’s, Gabriel was shaking. He hated people seeing him in his mask, it was a constant argument between him and Cas, but if he was telling Sam anyway he might as well be comfortable. 

 

He adjusted the tube across his face and knocked, taking a deep breath, when the door opened. 

 

“He- Gabe?”

 

“Hey,” Gabriel murmured, slipping in when Sam stepped aside. 

 

To his credit, Sam tried not to react, but Gabriel could see his eyes flicking down to the clear tubes staking under his nose. 

 

“Care to just get this over with?”

 

“What’s… Why-”

 

“Cystic fibrosis. I stopped responding to treatment last year. I’m still doing well enough that I don’t  _ have  _ to wear my tank all the time, I should, but I hate the way people look at me. Kinda like you are right now.”

 

“Gabe I’m not-”

 

“No, you wanted to know so I’m telling you, then I’m going to leave and you’re going to forget about me.”

 

“So you’re…”

 

“Dying? Slowly drowning in my own mucus? Yeah.”

 

“That’s why-”

 

“Yep.”

 

Sam crumpled in on himself, then slowly stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Gabe. “I still want to be here, if nothing else you need friends.”

 

Gabe let out a weak sob, taking a step away from him, “I don’t want to drag anyone else down with me. I’m still okay right now but it’s gonna get bad. I don’t… My brother’s going to suffer enough when I’m gone. I don’t want anyone else to…”

 

“I already care about you.” Sam whispered after a brief pause. “I can’t stop thinking about you. I tried, after you left I tried to forget you, but for whatever reason I can’t. I’ll still be… I’m already going to miss you when you’re gone. Shouldn’t I at least have some good memories too? You like me, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be here. So be with me, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

 

“You want to date a man you know is dying? That’s the only thing you know about me. I could be some creep who keeps kids in his basement.”

 

“Well do you?” Sam chuckled lightly, pulling Gabe back to his chest. 

 

This time Gabriel stayed, relaxing to the sound of his steady heartbeat, “no…”

 

“So let me get to know you, the worst is already out of the way.”

 

“You know you’re insane, don’t you?”

 

Sam hummed, combing his fingers through Gabe’s hair, “li’l bit.”

 

“Fine, but… This isn’t going to go away. This isn’t a movie and I’m not gonna magically get better if you wish real hard. I’m going to die. Probably before I hit thirty. That’s less than five years.”

 

“I know. And it… it fucking sucks. It’ll never be enough time, but it just means there’s no time to waste.”

 

“You’re mental.”

  
“Damn right I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I'm aware most people with CF don't live past 25. I'm also aware it wouldn't make any sense for Gabriel to be able to not wear his oxygen mast that often. But we're gonna play pretend cause I like CF more than cancer for this particular fic (mainly cause I don't have to research it much whee)


	9. Chapter 9

It’s different than what Sam had thought, being with Gabriel. To be fair, he wasn’t sure what he expected, but it’s definitely different. Things were faster than he would usually like to go, he had all but moved into Gabriel’s small apartment within the first month of their relationship, he was used to the tubes running everywhere in the house by the second, the constant drone of the oxygen converter almost comforting whenever he was home .

 

What he’d never get used to, though, were the coughing fits. The wet hacking agony, and the ice it sent through his veins every time. 

 

Gabe said it was normal, just the way his lungs expelled extra mucus, but it was still one of the most terrifying things Sam’s ever witnessed, and while he  _ knew _ what was happening, he  _ knew _ he was dating a dying man,  the fits just made it seem all the more real. 

 

Still, he wouldn’t trade Gabriel for the world. He had been right of course, the shorter man was just as amazing as Sam had originally thought, if somewhat insane, but that just made him better. More fun. 

 

It was almost funny, in a dark, twisted, sense of the world. Sam had never felt more alive than he did with Gabriel. Had never even considered living in the moment, always saving and planning for some future that he may or may not want by the time he got there. Gabriel forced him to see passed that, fuck the future, now’s all we got.

 

It was easy to laugh at, until he was reminded just how true it was, be it a coughing fit or just how winded Gabriel was after far too little. 

 

“Who kicked your puppy, Winchester?” Gabriel flopped across Sam’s lap, yelping as the motion wrenched the tube from his face. “Fuck… I’ll never be used to wearing this damn thing all the time.”

 

Sam snorted, helping him up and carefully rehooking the tube around his ears. “Well you should be. You have to take care of yourself you ass, you’re needed here you know.”

 

Gabriel snorted, nuzzling against him. “Well, that fucking sucks for those people. But what’s up, you look miserable.”

 

Sam sighed, lightly stroking his hair. “I wish you wouldn’t say things like that, Gabe…  But I guess I’m just lost in thought is all, sorry…”

 

“It’s the truth, you know, there’s no point in pretending that isn’t the case Sam,” Gabe murmured, kissing him softly. 

 

Sam nodded, lightly stroking his cheek. He hadn’t thought he could love someone this much so quickly, hadn’t thought he could find someone as absolutely perfect as he found Gabriel... Maybe it was because he knew he was dying, maybe it was because he was genuinely meant to be with him, but whatever it was, he was impossibly attached impossibly fast. “I know, but there’s no need to flaunt it around either you know…”

 

“The oxygen mask doesn’t do that on its own?”

 

Sam snorted, shaking his head. “You’re the worst, you know that, don’t you?”

 

Gabriel just grinned, kissing his head before rolling himself back onto his feet. “Dinner’s in ten, then I was hoping you’d take me to bed stud… What’d’ya say?” 

 

Sam bit his lip, looking him over slowly. “You know we just did it last night…”

 

“Trust me, I’m very aware,” Gabriel purred, wiggling his hips at his place at the stove. “You’re doing it again, I’m sick, not dead.”

 

Sam sighed, walking over and wrapping his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know… It’s just… It’s hard sometimes.”

 

Gabriel sighed, turning around and pulling him into a slow kiss. “I know… I’ve had my whole life to come to terms with it and it still slaps me in the face sometimes, just… If I can’t do something I won’t, I promised remember? No more pushing myself. Don’t make me give up more than I already have to Sam…”

 

“You know I’d never,” Sam sighed, lightly stroking his hair. “I’m sorry, I’m working on it… I just love you, I don’t want to lose anymore time with you than I already am.”

 

“I love you too…” Gabe murmured, tucking his face in _ his _ spot in the dip between his shoulder and collar. “I don’t want to lose any of my time either, I’m doing what I have to, I haven’t missed any breathing treatments, I’m wearing my mask, I’m being a good boy daddy, stop riding my ass… Actually, please ride my ass.”

 

Sam choked on a laugh, swatting his side. “Yeah yeah, okay mister. You’re mine after dinner do don’t go making other plans.

 

~

 

With Sam it was almost easy to forget he was sick. Sure, he was actually doing his treatment properly for the first time since he was diagnosed, sure he had the constant oxygen tank and Sam reminded him almost every time he wanted to do  _ anything _ , but still…

 

It wasn’t until he was gasping for breath walking up the stairs, upping his oxygen intake after walking along the shore with Sam for a little too long, that he  _ really  _ remembered, he wasn’t going to be around much longer. He’d die, and Sam would mourn him, then move on. He was still young, he’d find someone else, forget about him…

 

That was the worst of it. Thinking about Sam,  _ his  _ Sam curling up with someone else at night. 

 

“I love you.”

 

Sam looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow. “I… Love you too. Something on your mind?” 

 

Gabriel blushed, looking down. “When I’m gone, you’ve gotta find someone else, okay? You deserve to be happy, and you’re… Someone like you isn’t meant to be alone.”

 

Sam sighed, snapping his book shut and tugging Gabriel into his lap. “No one’ll ever compare to you Gabe. I’m not gonna go through the motions when I’ve had the real thing. I’ll miss you like a limb, but I’ll be fine on my own.”

 

Gabe bit his lip and his face into his spot, his fists balling unbidden into the front of Sam’s shirt. “I hate the thought of you alone even more than I hate the thought of someone replacing me.. Th-this is why I didn’t want… I came to terms with it. I was okay with it. But now I’ve got you to worry about and I... “

 

“Hey, don’t you dare. This was my decision Gabriel, I’m better for knowing you. You never once lied to me about any of this, I didn’t go in blind, so don’t feel bad. I’ll be fine, really, and I wouldn’t trade this time I have with you now for anything. So you stop all of this right now.”

 

Gabe sniffed, nodding slowly and cuddling closer. “Of course, I’m sorry.”

 

“Don’t be, I love you, you idiot,” Sam murmured, kissing the top of his head. 

 

“I love you too, jackass…”

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a rant and then it just sorta happened... AND THEN IT TOOK A REALLY FUCKING DARK TURN, I hope you like it!


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